Writing, Waterpolo, & Switchfoot: June 2008

I started this story two years ago and never got around to finshing it until recently...so here it is.

October Night

I am Christopher Carlisle and I am 30 years old. When I was only 25, old my life seemed to take a turn for the worst. I did not believe what was going on around me and nor did I want to. But reality hits you like a brick wall when you least expect it.
And looking back I know I can’t change what happened but you still feel like you have the power to. The signs were only the beginning of a long road to face. And the one day that changed my life forever is where it all begins; just one October night.
~The Day that Changed Everything~
Driving down the highway, Aly and I were on our way to Brian and Laura’s house. We were celebrating Aly’s 23rd birthday which was two days earlier. I was driving and she was in the passenger’s seat; our hands met together resting on the gear shift. There was a storm in the horizon and the rain was becoming heavier by the minute; and we were now about fifteen minutes from their house.
I rounded the corner on the exit ramp and a semi truck coming from the opposite direction did not see me in time to swerve over completely. Before I knew it he slammed into my car at 55 mph. The impact of the crash knocked us both out.
When I woke about minutes later I could hear sirens coming and knew that they were approaching us. I looked over myself to find a severely bruised and gashed wrist as well as tons of glass and debris throughout my upper body. I glanced over at Aly who looked worse than me, still passed out with her head tilted to the side. I gently squeezed her hand which was amazingly still laying in mine. Despite the pain I was in and the lack of response I got from her I squeezed her hand again. And as I did that I could see her pain filled eyes slowly open. She gradually met mine and we stared at each other waiting for the other to say something. As the sirens neared and broke our stare, the last thing I remember saying was I love you to Aly and then everything went black.
I woke up in the ambulance to find an IV in my arm and a paramedic hovering over me. When he met my stare he simply asked:
”Do you feel any pain?”
I looked over myself finding patches on my chest for heart monitoring as well as gashes from glass and I saw my broken wrist laying lifeless on the gurney. I answered the paramedic:
“My wrist aches and besides a few gashes in my arm, I don’t feel any pain.”
The surprised expression from the paramedic left me thinking that I must look worse that I feel. Then Aly came to my mind. I asked the paramedic:
“Is the girl that was sitting next to me in the car alive?”
The paramedic instantly got a worried look, but I am guessing he saw the persistence in my eyes and replied:
“She was found unconscious at the scene and is in the ambulance behind us.”
As he trailed off I asked again:
“I just want to know if she is alive.”
He once again gave me a concerned look and muttered:
“I am not sure”
And with that I saw black once again.
~”It’s a Long Trip Alone”~
As soon as I arrived at the hospital I was sent immediately into surgery for the broken and shattered bones in my wrist and forearm. They also removed the numerous pieces of glass in my arms as well as my face and chest. When I awoke from surgery two days later I saw Brian staring out the window. I looked down to find my arm wrapped so thick with gauze that it looked three times the size. I broke Brian’s stare and whispered his name. He whirled around with a sense of relief and quietly muttered:
“I see you are awake”
“Thank you…so much for being here.” I whispered.
“You’re welcome”
“I really do mean it. Thank you for being there for me during those times and especially now.”
“Isn’t that what I am supposed to do?” Brian questioned me.
“Yeah I know but ever since my mom and dad were killed I thought that if something like this ever happened nobody would be here.”
“Well I am here for you and to help you get better. Laura will be there for you to.”
With that Laura came into the room and interrupted our conversation. Her tear filled eyes followed and met mine as she quietly said hello. I knew without anybody saying anything that if Aly were alive she was more likely in the worse state possible. We all sat in silence deep in our thoughts, until I slowly asked:
“Is Aly alive?”
Laura at once found Brian’s eyes and started crying. As Brian went over to comfort her he softly said:
“She is in surgery right now and the doctors are not sure if she will survive. As you can tell, Laura has been taking it hard as well as their Dad.”
Unsurprised by the news, I was unsure if I would ever see Aly again. And what haunted me even more is that she would have lived only twenty three years and too me that is not long enough.
~”Your on fire when you’re near her”~

One week later I was released from the hospital with a brace still on my wrist. Aly had fallen into a coma almost immediately out of surgery. Since I had been released she was still heavily sedated.
I visited Aly everyday, twice a day depending on who was with her. Seeing her each and everyday consisted of sitting at her bedside and talking to her. Telling her about her sister, her brother-in-law, her friends, and most importantly how much I loved her. The doctors had told us that she could still hear us, even though she was still in a coma.
Everyday seemed a never ending cycle of going to hospital and seeing the same thing each day. Throughout this period I felt very depressed at some times and others I was just waiting for her to wake up. One day I would visit her, be sad, and mourn over the fact that I can’t do anything to help her get better. And then the other day I would be anxious to see her smile again.
There was just this overwhelming feeling that would sometimes swallow me whole up when I walked into her room. I knew in my mind that this was out of my control but I couldn’t stop thinking of the fact I couldn’t do anything for her. I felt as if something was missing when I left the hospital and I knew it was her. I mean not knowing that your best friend will be there with you tomorrow is hard, because anymore you never know what is going to happen. My day consisted of worrying and wondering if she was going to ever wake up from this long sleep until two weeks later.
I walked into her room as usual and put my stuff down on the table. More restless that usual I sat down and evaluated Aly for any change. As I quickly answered my own question I started talking to her. For some reason I couldn’t think of what to say; I got up and started pacing throughout the room. I tried to say something but talking to her felt like a brick wall. It shows no emotion and doesn’t respond to you as if you weren’t there. I looked out the window just to see Brian pull into the hospital parking lot. I turned to face Aly to see her fingers gently twitch on the sheet. Stunned I approached her bedside and grabbed her hand. I whispered her name and her eyes slowly opened. I watched in shock as her eyes drifted across the room and then finally met mine. She gradually whispered:
“Chris, I love you”
As she said that Brian walked into the room and had the same expression as I still had. I softly kissed her on the forehead and mumbled in my tears:
“I love you too.”
Brian who was shocked walked up to Aly and then turned to face me. He was speechless. Shortly after she woke up the doctor came into the room to see Aly awake and was astonished too. He evaluated her carefully and said that it was really good that she awake but she still had a long way to go even if she survived the first night. And with the words the doctor left me I was just overwhelmed to know that maybe Aly would be okay again.
~She is Still Running~
Aly stayed in the hospital for the next four months. The four months that would become the most stressful. After the first week Aly was awake the doctors wanted to make sure that all of her injuries were healing correctly. From her punctured lung to the many cuts and gashes throughout her body; she was in more pain than I was, which was not surprising just looking at her. You could tell when you walked into her room that she was in a tremendous amount of pain. Even though the doctors had given her pain medications, some weren’t strong enough. It hurt me to see her in that much pain because I knew just as well as she did that it might not go away.
The doctors had been saying that when she awoke that she might not be able to remember who anybody is or she might not know how to walk and so on. And for her to say “Chris, I love you” when she first woke up after being in a coma for two weeks is just amazing.
In the days after she woke up, she could only remember me. Which I thought was surprising considering I was only her boyfriend. But everything and everybody else to her was a blur. She could distinguish objects, people, and tell you the full description of anything but couldn’t tell you who or what they were or what its use was for. The doctors had told us that the accident affected the side of the brain that controlled movement and speech.
About three months later in Aly’s stay in the hospital, she was able to walk and even run. But her speech was still very far away from being normal. Her injuries had healed for the most part and she was gaining mobility of her left wrist which was sprained. Everyday was stressful to her. She was still willing to get better, but time wasn’t going fast enough.
Four months later Aly was released from the hospital and allowed home. And her home was soon to become ours, sooner than I imagined. And with that she moved in with me.
A few weeks later we were sitting on the couch watching TV. I was lying down and her head was gently placed on my chest. During a commercial she got up to get something to eat. About fifteen minutes later I realized that she was still in the kitchen and that was odd for her to be in there for that long at 9:00 at night. I got up and rounded the corner to find Aly sitting on a stool, crying over the counter. As I neared her more I saw the accident pictures that the investigators sent us spread across the counter. Then realizing that she was crying over the pictures I froze. I didn’t know what to do especially because I hadn’t even seen the pictures. Then Aly broke my stare and put her arms around me. In a whisper she asked me:
“Did we survive this?”
I quietly whispered yes and before I could go on she put her head into my shoulder and started crying even harder. I quietly whispered I love you in her ear as I held her in my arms. After her crying subsided she whispered I love you too. And as I stood there with her by me I could only hope that things were going to get better.
~”Love can be a verb”~
It has been exactly one year since the accident and one long year of recovery. This time around Brian and I got what we were finally waiting for….touring as the opening act for Coldplay. The best part was that Aly would speak at every one of the concerts to share her inspiring story. Laura came to be with her husband as well as her sister during the some 150 stops we were doing.
Tonight was different in terms of performing. Not only were we playing in front of 4,000 people in our hometown of Austin but it marked the one year since the accident. (Ironic I think.) Aly was taking the day, as I assumed, well however you could tell she was sad and more nervous than usual. I still have flashbacks to this day and especially tonight. And sometimes the thought runs through my mind whether or not the accident was my fault. I never said anything during rehearsal or before the show about the fact that it was October 5th; I knew it was on everybody’s mind. Playing tonight felt the same, in spite of the fact that it took roughly two months to learn how to use my wrist again.When Brian and I finished we introduced Aly and exited the stage. As she started speaking something didn’t seem right and I knew right away what was wrong. She kept going strong for about 7 or 8 minutes then started crying. Now I had seen Aly cry many times before but tonight was really hard. She had never cried since the start of the tour or really ever in public so tonight was odd but still I knew exactly what was wrong. Brian nudged me to go onstage and reluctantly I did. At the time I was kind of scared because I really did not know what to do to calm a very saddened Aly in front of 4,000 people. But I guess everything fell into place. I approached Aly in the middle of the stage where she was now sobbing. I asked her:
“Can you finish?”
Between the tears she told me:
“I can’t do this Chris, it’s too hard”
And as she turned to leave the stage I grabbed her arm and asked:
“I have something that might change how you feel.”
As quickly as she turned around to meet me I was on one knee. After the complete shock I got from Aly’s face and the cheering from the crowd I asked her:
“I love you and my life would never be the same without you……Will you marry me?”
Aly started crying even more until she caught her breath and mumbled yes. I slid the ring on her finger and stood up to hug her. I kissed her and leaned away from her to realize that the crowd was going crazy. They were screaming, whistling, and shouting. I took a glance off stage to see Laura crying into Brian’s shoulder and the rest of our band joining in the crowd as screaming and shouting. I turned back to Aly who was surveying the crowd and by her expression I could tell that she was speechless. I nudged her to go on speaking but she whispered in my ear that she wanted me to help her continue speaking. And as we finished up and left the stage the crowd was still going wild.
Offstage Laura came up to Aly and hugged her. Brian along with the rest of the band congratulated me and then proceeded with many questions. After all was said and done I pulled Aly off to the side. Before I could say anything she was thanking me in her tears and repeatedly saying that she loved me. I did my best to comfort her and calm her down. When she was done crying and in my arms I quietly spoke the words that hurt to say. I told her, two years ago on this very night I had planned to propose to her at Brian & Laura’s. As the tears started to flow from my own eyes I continued:
“Aly only a year ago we were in a car crash and I thought I would never see you again. But now you are here and you’re better.”
And with that I trailed off just as Aly whispered:
“I am here now and that I will never leave you; no matter what happens to us.”
I hugged her even tighter and we kissed longer, I now knew that I was going to marry Aly after waiting the longest year in my life.
~A First Time~
One Tuesday night, Aly and I were having dinner. It had been six months since the night she said yes, and we were finally home. When she said,
“Remember when we first kissed.”
I grinned at her and answered.
“What brings this up?”
“I don’t know, just reminiscing.” She responded.
And I knew exactly what she was talking about, that rainy night that seemed so long ago. We were on our way back from some party, and it was late. There was a storm brewing and we knew it was going to be here soon. Then I stopped the car and told Aly that I wanted to show her something. I lead her down this path, all the while; she is asking where are we going? And I kept answering her you’ll see. Then the rain came down and it started pouring. I finally stopped at this creek, and you could hear the most beautiful sound in the world, the water. Since it was raining, you could hear the swift sound of the rushing water down the displaced rocks and stones. She looked at me and said:
“This is beautiful.”
I answered “I know…..you are”
She looked at me and grinned. I then pulled her close to me and we kissed for the very first time. It was one of the most passionate kisses I have ever felt.
~One Morning…~
The wedding was incredible; all of our friends and family were there to celebrate with us. The one thing I will never forget is the way Aly looked when she walked down the isle; she was the most beautiful women I have ever seen. And I was overjoyed by the fact that she is indeed mine and will always be.
About a year and a half after we got married, we always wrestled with the question about kids. We were not sure if we were going to have them or if we should wait. But we decided to have kids and a couple of months later we got pregnant.
A Saturday morning, we were both sleeping in, knowing that we both didn’t have to go into work that day. Aly was still sleeping and it was late into the morning, when I woke up. I rolled over to look at my pregnant wife who was sleeping soundly. I placed my hand on her stomach to see if I could feel the baby. Her eyes softly flickered and she opened them. I whispered,
“I’m sorry.”
She whispered, “That’s okay I was already awake.”
I whispered “I love you” and moved closer to her.
She whispered “I love you to.”
Recently Aly had been sick and was summoned to bed rest for the past week. I had been doing my best at taking care of her the only way I knew how. And that was to love her.
As I wrapped my arms around her stomach, my hands barely touched each other. As we lay there, the baby kicked right where my hand was. I squealed,
“I felt that…she just kicked.”
Aly smiled and said “I felt it too.”
Her face then immediately changed when she said, “I have to go the doctor today.”
I answered, “I know, I will be there for you.”
After a long pause she whispered, “I’m scared.”
I kissed her on the forehead and mumbled, “So am I”
~Let Your Love Be Strong~
On our way to the doctor’s office, Aly was quiet as she had been all morning. She clenched my hand as a lifeline as we drove the longest twenty minutes in our lives.
As the nurse called her back I could feel my heart race even faster and faster as we made our way to her room. Aly sat on the examination table and I sat in the chair next to her. I grabbed her hand just to feel the fast beating movement of her heart against mine. The nurse came in the room to take her temperature and check her vital signs; everything was normal. The time period between the nurse leaving and doctor coming in seemed like forever. And as a slight sense of relief came with doctor coming in; I expected the worse and did I get it. The doctor told us:
“Well, right off the bat I just want to say that Allison has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia or ALL. This is found more often in kids but there is a slight chance that it will happen in adults. We are not sure where the leukemia originated; it is still unknown. At this point in time we are not sure if your baby will be okay and it might have to be delivered prematurely….”
He went on to tell us how they were planning to treat it and so on and so forth. I could feel Aly’s hand get immediately limp in mine as the doctor told us. On the car ride home, we were in complete silence. I was lost in thought and I knew she probably was to. I kept saying this can’t be happening, why Aly? What is going to happen to our unborn baby? I knew that the minute the doctor said that she had Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia that she had wanted to break down and start crying. But she sat there staring out the window lost in her thoughts just as I was.
We got home to find messages on our answering machine asking about her and what happened. I couldn’t have dared to pick up the phone and call Brian and Aly’s dad to tell them the news we have received. Immediately after we came home Aly got in the shower. And I knew that she would deal with her emotions there because she didn’t want me to see her in that condition.
Almost 45 minutes later she was still in the shower. As I made my way to the bathroom I could hear her cries from down the hall. When I gently knocked on the door I could hear the water turn off. She opened the door and I could see her red puffy eyes get swollen. She fell into my arms as I could feel the sobbing get worse. I hugged her thinking of what going to happen next. I mean were we going to lose our unborn baby or am I going to lose Aly once and for all.
~Stealing the fire from your eyes~
Soon after Aly was diagnosed with Leukemia, life seemed to be put on hold. I guess we were still realizing that this is really happening. It is not going to be waking up one day and excepting the fact the she has cancer. It’s just not that easy.
The couple of days after Aly was diagnosed we both were very depressed. On the third day after her doctor’s appointment, Aly and I woke up worried knowing what the day would bring. And as rubbed my eyes to see, I saw her swollen eyes look into mine. I leaned over and gave her a kiss; she mumbled good morning and we both got up. This day in particular was different from the past two; today Aly was to be scheduled to deliver our baby. The doctors wanted her to have to baby before she started the chemo-therapy for the Leukemia.
As we made our way to the hospital, we both were speechless as we were all that morning. I was extremely nervous for Aly and the baby. Two very important lives were hanging in the balance. When we arrived everything went very fast. Aly was induced for labor and then shortly after that was given an epidural. For the next 4 hours she slowly progressed until finally Abigail Grace was born at 5lb. 4 oz. Immediately after she was born she was taken away, by a team of doctors, to get checked out. Aly and I were overwhelmed to see that our miracle of life was okay and that she survived, but they both were not out of the woods yet.
Three days after Abigail was born Aly was released from the hospital. Abigail was being treated for undeveloped lungs, not being able to eat right, and she had to have open heart surgery for a hole in her heart. Aly and I were both sad to see our daughter not come home with us on the third day, but we knew that one day our wish would come true.
~Let the war begin…~
Aly and I were lying on the couch one evening thinking about our past and where we are now. Our lives were very different only 2 and 3 years ago then it is now. It seems as if we are living a completely different life then we did. There has been one memory of us that has stood out the most since Aly was diagnosed. And it keeps replaying like a broken record in my mind and it doesn’t stop. I know Aly is thinking about the same thing. As our minds venture back almost five years in our history together; our record starts playing once again.
It was about five years ago when I was out of college working and Aly was finishing up her internship for a job in Austin. We had met each other 6 months before and we were honestly just good friends; meaning no dates, no kisses, just friends. Aly’s mom had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer ever since I met her. That was one of the many reasons we did not date at first when we met; Aly took her mother’s illness very serious.
Fast-forward a year and a half later and Aly and I were now dating and her mom’s breast cancer had gotten worse. One particular morning I remember on a rainy Friday in May.
I awoke to my phone vibrating and ringing on my nightstand. In a blur I made out the name Aly and answered it. She was crying and I could hardly understand her. But the one of the few phrases I got out of the conversation was: My mom died. Since I could hardly make out what she was saying, I asked her again what she said. She once again said the same thing. I was not surprised by the news but the timing definitely was not expected. The other phrase I got out of the conversation was: I need to see you now. Still in a sleepy phase, I mumbled how far away are you? She said 2 minutes from your house. I quickly answered just come here.
Within a minute I heard a desperate knock at the door. I threw some clothes on, grabbed a blanket, and answered the door. I opened it to find Aly’s swollen eyes, red, and wet from crying. Without even saying anything she put her arms around me and sobbed into my shoulder. I wrapped the blanket around us as we stood there in the rain. She mumbled I needed somebody who wouldn’t cry with me. I answered that I will be there for you and I kissed her on the forehead.
From then on for the next three days, she stayed at my house and began trying to heal. And now as I look back I think it was better for her to be with somebody that wasn’t crying with her. She seemed very content and I am sure that was the probably the best for her.
Every night we would lie on the couch, and normally she would cry into my chest or gently weep. And every so often she would call her sister Laura and talk to her for hours. Other times we would fall asleep on the couch and in the morning I would always find her crying. From then on she was never afraid to neither cry in front of me nor show her emotions.
Those three days were probably the best in my life; not only did I fall deeper in love, but they also taught me more about life and how very precious our time is here. Each day brought new obstacles to face and new challenges to endure. In the three days we were both very quiet and deep in our thoughts. At the end of the three days my life was forever changed and I knew Aly’s was too.
~Welcome Home~
One day, the doctors told us we would be finally allowed to take Abigail home. They told us that they had to perform tests throughout the day before they released her to us that night.
I took a half day at work and didn’t tell Aly because I wanted to surprise her. I called her periodically throughout the day reminding her just how excited we would be when we would bring her home.
A little after three o’clock, I went to the hospital to pick up my daughter. The doctor’s said that all of her tests came out good and she was healthy. The word I have been so longing to hear. As I walked out of the Intensive Care Unit all of the nurses who had took care of her throughout her recovery, were there to say there goodbyes and to congratulate us.
When we got home I fed her and we slept the rest of the afternoon. Six o’clock rolled around and we were expecting Aly any time. I had called her and told her that we would eat a quick dinner and then go the hospital. Talking to her made her that much more excited.
I could hear the garage door open and set Abigail down in her crib. When the door opened Aly fell into my arms. After I kissed her, I said out of pure excitement,
“I have a present for you!”
She smiled, as I told her to close her eyes while I went to retrieve her “gift”. I picked up Abigail, who was still sleeping, and cradled her in my arms. I walked out to where Aly was and told her to open her eyes. And as soon as she did, I will never forget her expression as long as I live. She smiled so big and burst out into tears. I said
“She’s home now”
Aly looked at me and then at Abigail and then questioned, “I thought we couldn’t pick her up until tonight. I mean how did you do it?”
“The doctors finished her tests early, and I thought I would surprise you.” I answered
She smiled and kissed me. I gave Abigail to Aly who was shaking, because she was so weak. Aly spoke softly to her and kissed her on the head.
That night as we lay in bed, my life couldn’t have felt more complete. I had both of my beautiful girls with me and that is all I needed.
~”Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride”~
I can’t explain to someone what it’s like to see somebody in tremendous pain and knowing there is nothing you can do. The feeling of helplessness overwhelms you and puts enormous amounts of stress on you. Aly would have weekly chemotherapy treatments to fight the Leukemia. Day after day seeing my wife in so much pain left me thinking why did this happen to me?
I was to be there for and with Aly while she endured day after day of treatment. She seemed to be declining more and more each day. I would often find her crying over the smallest things and I knew just as well as she did that it was going to a long road to recovery. And to see her fragile body endure treatment was harder with every new day. As much as I knew that there might not be a next year or next month I still held out hope for Aly’s sake. But even at times I was doubtful on whether I would see her tomorrow. I have learned that the more you are longing for somebody to get better, doesn’t change the process, it just seems to lengthen it.
In your life, when something tragic happens, you tend to go through these stages. And it not only changes your reactions but also you emotions and feelings toward other people.
Normally the first stage in this process is Doubt. Doubt of whether this is all happening and why did it happen to you. This stage isn’t one that can last for a week or a day. Sometimes it will extend into 2-3 months or 2-3 weeks, it all depends on how you deal with your emotions. I mean I guess we never realize that life’s not that fairytale we imagined as kids. Life is real, living, breathing, reality. When you are a little kid you imagine this perfect life ahead of you with no problems or troubles that would stop you. You dream, growing up and marrying the person that is perfect for you, not even thinking that someone would come and stop you. Nowhere in fairytales does it say that before you live happily ever after you may have to ender pain, sadness, suffering. Your seeming perfect life will crumble when something tragic happens. This punishment you feel was given to you for something you did or some secret you’ve been hiding. But all in all, it’s not a punishment, it is just called life and everybody is living it.
Sometimes the next step in the process is questioning. Why did this happen? Why me? You will ask this series of questions to yourself. And you’ll wonder why this even happened and why are you in this position. It’s almost a dizzy feeling that overwhelms you, being filled with never ending questions that sometimes you and nobody else can answer. And the questions that you can’t answer will linger around your head until you pay attention to it and stress out over it. I, being through this situation, can tell from experience that you will be filled with unanswered questions each and every day.
Many times one of the last stages in this process is a feeling, that just won’t go away. You feel like something is wrong and know what it is, but you don’t believe it or refuse to believe it. Alive you are, but that feeling just won’t go away. You feel as if you were in a dream and that when you “wake up,” so to speak, everything will be normal and this never happened. And when you finally pinch yourself and realize that this is real you will have to face your problems head on. There’s no turning back from here. And the days will go by and the feeling inside you, will not go away. You will not sleep and/or you will not be able to concentrate on the simplest things. And after all you’ve been through; your life will still be the same. Time will not roll back and no you don’t have the power to do so. For sometimes, your weary feeling will just hang around like a lonely ghost looking for somebody to haunt.
~Epilogue~
The past five years not only changed me as a person but it also changed the way I think, act, and live. They say everything happens for a reason, for me that reason is not so clear. I might never know what caused this, but I do know that I learned from this experience in one way or another. Aly survived what seemed impossible for such a long time. Now it’s just a miracle in itself.
Laura and Brian are now expecting their first child after many complications. Abigail is now two years old and is healthy as ever. And Aly has been amazing, she has beaten the odds and is free of cancer.
What Aly survived not only surprised doctors but gave her, along with me, a different perspective on life and death. You can’t be scared of death because yes it will happen to all of us one day or another. It’s just a matter of time until it happens, and our time here on earth is valuable, so let’s not waste it. This experience not only gave me that insight on how precious our time is here, but it told me that I shouldn’t be afraid to die. I once read this poem, somebody emailed me and I have never forgotten it; this is a life-changing piece of work and I want everybody to learn from it.
“The next time you here somebody talk about a loved one they lost don’t just ignore them. Comfort them for we will all be in that position one day because we live a human life. For some people they memorized this poem because they lived through this and for others the signs are just coming. I have survived and you can to. Read ahead and have peace. I know I have.
Expressing in general is what you feel. The name foreshadowing in the back of your head, her name on your old tennis shoe written over and over filled until it bled through. You realize she has always loved you more now than ever.”
I Love You, the three hardest words to say in the English language. Say them everyday for one of them might be your last.
One day, one night, you, like me, will have one of those messy October nights. It’s just a matter of time before it comes.

Monday, June 30, 2008

It's A Long Trip Alone

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Old Journal

Saturday, June 21, 2008

October Night

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

While the Stars Dance Above

Writing, Waterpolo, & Switchfoot

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